Monday, December 31, 2007

Happy New Year!

Guess who got another MCO turn today?

Wild guess.

I like going to work. What I don't like going to bed at 12:45, getting the call at 1:11, and a 7:15 show time all for a turn worth 5 hours. I had a great crew and the crowd wasn't too bad either. Things are getting better around these parts and I'm looking forward to the new year and all it holds for me!

Friday, December 28, 2007


MCO turn tomorrow.

Oh how illusive that magical land of holding a line seems at moments like this.

Mean People DO Suck

Three days ago, I was assigned airport alert at 5:30 am in what I like to call terminal delay. I got the chance to preboard a flight straight away, and then just as I was beginning to fall asleep nice and cozy in the crew room, the phone rang and I got a three day trip. The nice part of the trip was that I kept running into boyfriend, and its cute in a quarterback/cheerleader kind of way. The horrible part of the trip was the nasty, nasty, mean people on all the flights. Not one please, barely any thank yous, and a lot of outrageously demanding passengers. As a polite person, who uses her words, I have a difficult time dealing with those in the human race who think that the word "please" is just a severe mispronunciation of the word peas. I have developed a list of things the modern traveler should keep in mind:

1) The flight attendant call button is for emergency use only. The fact that you need a coke, or a water, blanket, pillow, your back scratched, etc, is not an emergency. Profusely bleeding from one of your appendages? Now that's an emergency.

2) Five year olds should not travel alone. At five, small children have only been potty trained for two to three years; how do you expect them to keep themselves amused for more than 10 minutes?

3) If you have dietary needs, you need to provide for yourself. For example, if you suffer from chronic dehydration, you should probably bring your own water as opposed to randomly screaming out to the flight attendant the word "WATER!!".

4) If you wouldn't change your child's diaper on your living room couch and then throw it away in the kitchen, then I suggest you use the lavatory instead of your seat and trying to hand me some crappy diaper. No dice.

5) Being nice to the flight attendants will get you places nicely and comfortably. If you're rude, mean and condescending, stop being so surprised when others are rude, mean, and condescending back.

I'm sure that there are a lot of other things to include on this list, but that's all I got thus far.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Sometimes, Its Just Work

I just finished a five day trip. I liked day two (which technically was day one because it was the first flight I actually worked) because I got eat pancakes. From IHOP. With butter pecan syrup. I'm pretty sure that was the highlight of the trip. Then I spent two nights in RSW and one in TPA. Our hotel in TPA is amazing, especially compared to the one in RSW. It was nice going in and out of Florida because its sunny and warm there. This, however, was not a nice trip because I had packed sweaters as opposed to shorts. Shorts would have been nice. Rather uneventful trip... made a new f/a friend... I mean, how can you not make friends with someone you've just spent five days with? On our last leg, we had a really really new hire and she amused me greatly. New flight attendants usually do. Now I'm off to enjoy my Christmas with the fam. Merry Christmas!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Oh That Crew Scheduling!

You will never believe this one... They're deadheading me and four other flight attendants to IAH to sit reserve. When I arrive from my deadheading flight, I might have an assignment. I might not. I might get to sit in IAH for days - six of them to be exact. AND, if I sit for six, they'll have to roll my day off and I'll get all of Christmas off, eve and day. Moreover, guess who's in IAH? That's right. For the first time in quite a long while, I'd like to say thank you Crew Scheduling. Today, I don't mind that you own my ass.

Now I have to go pack for six days and all eight climates: bathing suit, sweater, gym clothes, heels... anything is possible when you're a flight attendant for one of the best airlines in the world. This is what the job is all about - a sense of adventure and spontaneity that just doesn't exist in the same way in Corporate America. So give me a call in the next few days, and I'll tell you all about my adventure or just stay tuned til Christmas when I will definitely get back.

God's speed.

Monday, December 17, 2007

The Big iPhone Surprise

The new iPhone is totally way cool. I've had the opportunity to play with one; I've been driving and had my co-pilot (for lack of a better term) give me directions from said Mac product. I think that was after we were watching (I was listening) various videos on YouTube.

And then the infamous commercial came out.

You know which one, its the United pilot - IN HIS SWEATER! oh how I love the sweater! - trying to go from EWR to ORD and he uses his iPhone to tell ATC that the weather had cleared. The following is a story I found online, as told by a first officer. We (as in people in the industry) totally saw this coming.

"We push back, get advised of a ground stop in MEM due to storms in the area. Go to the penalty box and wait. My Captain does the lecture over the PA... not one minute later, we get dinged from the f/a: "Some guy with an iPhone says the weather is good, and wants to know what the real reason is for the delay. Is something wrong with the plane?" I want to tell this clown what he can do with his IdiotPhone - but the Captain does it even better. He gets on the PA and makes the following announcement: "If the passenger with the iPhone would be kind enough to use it to check the weather at our alternate, calculate our fuel burn due to being rerouted around the storms, call the dispatcher to arrange our release, and then make a phone call to the nearest Air Traffic Control center to arrange our timely departure amongst the other aircraft carrying passengers with iPhones, then we will be more than happy to depart. Please ring your call button to advise the Flight Attendant and your fellow passengers when you deem it ready and responsible for this multi-million dollar aircraft and its passengers to safely leave." Needless to say, the passenger was pretty embarrassed. The f/a later told us the rest of the plane was outright laughing at this dude. What a clown."

*a big thanks to JNH, from whom I stole this story*

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Old Ladies in the Bulkhead

Usually, I hate high time turns (turns that are worth 8 flight hours or longer). After having done so many of them, they're beginning to grow on me. I think today was the turning point.

My airline, unlike most others, serves real meals at meal time ('real' and 'meal time' is completely subjective). In the back of bus, there are over 100 people to be served by usually 2, and on rare occasion, 3 flight attendants. Our service isn't always the fastest, especially with me who's fairly new. The only real issue with this is that passengers expect the same timely service as they would get at their neighborhood Applebee's... next time you're in a restaurant, check out the server to customer ratio. I'm pretty sure that it's not 30 tables to one server. I get that people are impatient, but when flight time is four and a half hours... we're holding you hostage and you're paying for it. My point? There's no need to put your trash on the floor and expect me to pick it up.

So there were these two old ladies seated in the bulkhead, which is the first row behind first class. Its a pretty sweet place to sit because you have the extra leg room and you get served first. I gave these two lovely ladies (and that's being AWFULLY generous) their drinks, followed by their cheese pizzas; and what a production that was.

"Ladies, something to drink?"

"Oh! A drink! What do you have that's diet?"

"Diet coke and sprite"

"Oh! Hm... Diet coke. I mean sprite!"

I pass a Sprite Zero; they named it that because it has ZERO calories, hence diet.

"This isn't diet."

"Yes, yes it is."

I start to ask the ladies in the other half of the row if they would care for a beverage when the original "this isn't diet" lady taps me on the arm.

"Are we getting some sort of snack?"

"You're getting dinner."

"Oh! Hear that Miriam, we're getting dinner!"

If they were listening to my announcements, which I know they weren't, their questions would have been answered. I proceed to pass out pizzas to the first two rows, and drinks to the rest of the cabin. Once everyone has been served, I went out with the trash cart. Now, keep in mind that I handed you your meal and out of respect, I expect you to hand it back to me; otherwise, I keep going with my little cart and when you're ready to hand it to me, then you may throw it away. I get to the top of the cabin and my two ladies' trays are put away and they aren't holding any trash. Miriam's pal says to me, "oh, we put our trash on the floor." My response was if you hand it to me, I would love to throw away your trash for you, as it has been since the first day I started flying. This commenced a rather intense conversation between the two about how I was not going to pick up their trash from the floor and they pretty much started to guilt trip me into it. "Oh, you're just going to leave it there?" And being that I'm new and nice, not jaded and cranky, I had nothing to say to her. There is no way IN HELL I was going to pick up this fat lady's trash from the floor. Is that where she puts the trash in her house? Please, invite me over to your house so I can not only ask you for a coffee regular, a water, and a tomato juice, but to PUT MY TRASH ON THE FLOOR SO YOU CAN PICK IT UP. I think not, so I walked away.

The other flight attendant went through the cabin with a trash bag after we finished our second bar cart. They tried to get her to pick up the trash from the floor, and she laid it out on the line! She told them that it makes flight attendants very mad to be asked to pick up trash from the floor because we did not serve it from there. Miriam herself bent down, even though apparently she just had kidney (liver?) surgery, and picked up her own trash and threw it away like a big girl. Congrats, you're 65 years old and you just figured out the basic principles of respect and the proper way to dispose of your garbage. But oh, it gets better.

Upon our final approach into EWR, the pilots forgot to tell us. The cabin was a mess; tray tables were down, seat backs were in their semi comfortable position, and everyone was watching their own movies. I looked out the window to see the gas tanks of exit 12 on the turnpike... the airport is at exit 13A. I quickly made the final announcement, stressing that we would be on the ground momentarily, and guess, just guess, who decided that she had to go to the bathroom. By the time she waddled, and I literally mean waddled, into the first class lav (heaven forbid she should use the lav in her own cabin) the landing gear dropped. So the attendant that told her off was banging on the door, telling her to hurry it up. I don't know if she actually got to go but when we landed she was sitting in the very first row in first class. I think the kickers were the lazy ass first class f/a who yelled at the original f/a for telling her she could go to the bathroom, followed by the kid sitting three rows behind Miriam that was throwing up. Amazingly enough, she addressed the small child situation (and we all know how I feel about bodily fluids), and I backed her up on telling the customer to use the lav because as she so wisely pointed out, old people pee their pants.

Never a dull moment.

I so desperately need these next two days off to regroup.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

It Could Be Worse (Con't)

Right now, as I write this, I am sitting on an empty 757-200 trying to deadhead to MCO in order to work the flight back. This is the wondrous assignment I got from airport alert... special, isn't it? Last I heard, the airport has indeed been closed for the next four hours and heaps of flights have been cancelled. Except this particular one to MCO. And - this is the kicker - our return flight is on time! HA! To all of you normal people that travel, your only expectation in the aviation industry should always be to expect nothing. Especially if you live someplace or are traveling somewhere with weather. Any kind of weather. Or traffic.

In a way, its kind of like dating. If you expect nothing, then you will be pleasantly surprised at all the good things... like when he meets you at the gate, or when your flight goes off without a hitch.

Living the dream, bitches. Living the dream.

(ATC update in an hour!)

It Could Be Worse

As I write, I'm sitting in the crew room for some quality airport alert. Woo. The phone has rung three times since I've been sitting; twice since I came on duty (all for turns... my favorite!). I have had enough time to paint my nails and bid for next month, even though I can't enter it until tomorrow (which makes no sense to me). I'm trying to keep a positive attitude, but I feel my patience growing thin. Its frustrating when you want to work but can't, when you want to go home or out but are chained within an hour radius of the airport. I mean, sure there are a lot of exciting places an hour away from EWR, but with traffic they all might as well be on the west coast. Oh to control one's fate and destiny on line with a real schedule, picking my destinations! Someday...

All I want for Christmas is a move up line.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Non Rev Like Whoa

As opposed to working flights, these past few weeks I've been non reving (traveling as a non revenue passenger) a bit and I have found some new pet peeves (surprise surprise):

1) Overly loud flight attendants. Imagine being squished between two ginormous people in the middle seat, desperately trying to sleep because you were up at the ass crack of dawn, only to have the flight attendant walking through the cabin every hour screaming "WATER? WATER?".

It was not okay.

2) Our flight time is scheduled to be ______. Excuse me, but what is our flight time? This is important to those of us trying to catch the shuttle home. Or if we would like to know for ourselves how much longer as opposed to having to hassle the flight crew with petty problems like "what do you mean four more hours?". When I'm the boss, I always make sure to announce flight time at least twice and if I have to guesstimate, then I do (no worries, I'm never ridiculously off, I just can't remember if its 38 or 48 minutes... or was it 28 minutes?).

3) The Flight Attendant Rumor Mill. Yesterday, I was hanging out with CP and all day long my phone was blowing up with this text: "new hire f/a (insert his real name here with employee number) wrote up his whole crew! watch out for this one!". Childish, considering I got a bunch of those, followed by one: "I was just at the training center with his classmates and it's not true. Careful not to crucify the innocent." Fun, right? A while ago there was a mass text going around that they fired a super senior mama for taking water and coffee off the plane. Not true. Also not true, a rumor about how supervisors can search your bags at any time. Fun right? Perhaps you can pass me a note between history and study hall...

Friday, December 7, 2007

The List

Yesterday, I was number 5 on the list all day and as soon as I made plans to meet up with Maureen, scheduling called and assigned me some airport abuse. I mean alert. Right now I'm on the top of page two and like everyone else before me, good for three days, which means I'm pretty sure we're having a repeat performance of yesterday. So can someone call to make plans with me, then scheduling can call and I'll have to break them? Because if I don't make plans, then scheduling won't call. Its one of those Murphy's law things.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Missing In Action

Whenever I'm scheduled to work, my mom always tells me "call me and let me know where you're going." I'm pretty good about letting her know where they're sending me and what I'm up to. Sometimes I forget. That elicits conversations that are along the lines of:

"Hey I just got back!"

"Got back from where?"

"Oh, I was in San Antonio. We left really Newark really early so I didn't want to call and then I forgot to when we got there. Now I'm going to Boston."

... or...

"Guess where I am?"

"Alyss, I have no idea."

~insert some random city here, you know, like Buffalo, Boston, Boise, Baton Rouge, Baltimore, Beijing, Belfast, Brussels, Bristol, Birmingham~

I know, you dig the alliteration. You're also jealous that I can go all those places on a whim, especially next week when the loads are light.

Sunday, December 2, 2007


The following clip provides evidence for a) why I love USMA and b) what happends when you go to school in Highland Falls, NY.

I found it amusing.
This too is enjoyable, and along the same lines.

And someday, Alison is going to teach me how to just post the video clip from YouTube instead of making you do the work and clicking the link.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Two Faced

There are many things that I would like for Christmas: a bottle of Beyond Paradise by Estee Lauder, a silver crucifix, a bag of jewels, cool floor mats for my sweet ride, a digital camera.. But most of all, I would really like a watch with two faces. I have seen said watches on the arms of many a flight attendant, and its just one of those things that I feel is a complete necessity. It sure would have been helpful on a lunch date in IAH, when I thought my flight was leaving in five minutes, when in reality it was leaving in an HOUR and five minutes. It would have been a lovely accessory this past week in LA, so I could have actually used my watch to tell time with as opposed to tell time and then practice my (lack of) subtraction skills. I have searched the mall high and low for a two faced watch that doesn't make my arm rival Dani's from Shot of Love, or one that isn't so horrifically ugly that its three seasons old. Which is why today, during my session of (retail) therapy, I stalked down a BCBG silver girly watch and took a picture with my cell and sent it to every family member I know. Santa will bring it to me; its coming. I believe!

Monday, November 26, 2007

My Two (new) Pet Peeves

For those of you who know me, I have a lot of pet peeves. There's just a lot about human behavior that annoys me... and to be quite honest, there are things that even I do which fall into that category. You know, just one of those little Alyssa-isms that make me special. Regardless, here are my two new pet peeves.

1. Providing for yourself. If you have some sort of special dietary needs, then you need to provide for yourself. That would be like asking the passenger next to you if you could have some of their blood pressure or seizure medicine because you forgot yours. No dice. So when I offer you a pizza, don't ask if I have any without cheese. Last time I checked, pizza without cheese is a fancy, oddly shaped bread stick. And no, I'm not hiding the bread sticks in the back either.

2. ATC. Right now I should be headed on my way to the van to go to the airport for our on time departure and on time arrival. But there's weather, and in the NYC metro area, if there's even a cloud in the sky they act like Chicken Little and put a ground stop on everything. As of right now, we've got a three hour delay. And a half hour van time delay. Now, I know math is not my strong suit, but that just doesn't add up.

3. Four day trips. I'm tired, cranky, and my chickens are cooked. So looking forward to my three days off starting TOMORROW. This is the last four day I pick up in a long ass time - and last LAX I choose to do. I'm done now. (No worries SMH - SNA is not on my shit list, nor is SAN if you're in the mood for a road trip and excessive drinking with a sweet hotel room to crash in. Don't lie to me, I know you're game.)

Did I say two? I'm sure this list can go on but I'll save it for another rainy day.

Friday, November 23, 2007

I'm in Los Angeles today...

This morning I woke up at 4:00 am EST, and worked the first flight to LAX. And for the first time in a long time, I was surprised by the crowd. They were awesome. No one was excessively needy, there was no constant dinging (can I have a coke? sprite? seltzer? water? apple juice? beer?). My only complaint is that this time of year, with the jet stream, flight time to the west coast is averaging about 5:45+ which sucks. I feel your pain; don't think for a minute that I'm enjoying this more that you passengers. As we were approaching the end of the flight a gentleman asked me how much longer. I responded with "about an hour and a half". The should be blond behind him then proceeded to ask me the same question. "How much longer?" "An hour and a half" This time I had a huffy tone and was less than pleased. Its like you're that kid in lecture who thinks that they are asking some brill ant question when in reality, if you were paying attention, the professor just totally answered it. After I responded to Miss I wish I were blond b/c then I'd have an excuse, someone else on the other side of the cabin asked the SAME question. I'm beginning to realize that, much like my mother, I get agitated to repeat myself. As I walked passed him pissed off, I said to the rest of the entire cabin, loudly and annoyed-ly that we did indeed have about an hour and half left of flight. My airline is an on time airline; in fact, we are early more often that not. If it says we are landing at, oh, I dunno, 10 am local then we really should be there at 10 am local. I know other airlines don't operate with the same standards - so stop flying them. But when we say 10 am, we'll be there. Moreover, if your buddy/boy/girl/friend is picking you up, tell them to be 10 minutes early. We usually are.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Flying First Class...

Monday morning, 11 am. I'm sitting on my couch drinking my morning coffee, having woken up about ten minutes ago. It was nice, quiet and peaceful way to start the day. And then crew scheduling called.

"Hi, flight attendant Alyssa? We have a trip for you. It checks in at 2; its an LA overnight."

Well, at least it wasn't a quick call. I had two hours to get ready and make plans upon my arrival.

So, I get to the airport, I get on the plane and then I get senior opted. (In land of pilots, its refered to as being junior man-ed.) I was supposed to work the lead position, but ended up in first class aisle. First class aisle is a good position for me because I have a fear of the galley. Being in the aisle gives me the opportunity to learn the service better, figure out what's expected and see all the different ways that the galley person operates. No two flight attendants work the galley the same, you know, like snow flakes. This trip was especially nice because we were on the 757, which is my favorite (okay fine, JNH you convinced me, it is the best even though it still totally has that smell), and I didn't have to deal with the snobby people in the back of the bus who thought they were someone important; I only had 20 snobby people to deal with as opposed to 140. There were like 16 seat dups, all these kids sitting aisles away from their parents... That's my personal favorite. People who won't move to let kids sit with their parents. I hope you enjoy entertaining them for the next 5 and a half hours.

Here at my legacy carrier (which if you haven't figured out which one yet, then you know nothing about avaition. At all.) we collected and hang up coats in first class. I am embarking on my first winter as a flight attendant, therefore my first coat fire. Instead of taking their seats and allowing me to wait on them (key word is so wait) the first class cabin was experiencing a coat fire in which they stood in line at the mid galley, coats in hand, waiting to give them to me. How am I supposed to correctly label the coat tag if I have no idea where you are seated? And when I ask you were are you seated, don't tell me up there. That's not funny. Interesting enough, we totally had another coat fire on the way back.

As for the service going out, the number of people who eat airplane fish astound me. Along with the number of flight attendants I know who have gotten food poisioning from said fish, especially in apetizer and soup form. I had the veal and veggies. Working a flight to the west coast is almost as exciting as non reving, execpt you have things to do the first hour, maybe two. Otherwise we're sitting there just like you are, minus the movies.

The return flight was definitely most interesting. The galley person and I both got no sleep and even though it was just breakfast service, it was a hot mess. Like to the point where you would have thought that we were new. I still feel new - even though I'm off probation!!! Anyway, it was a good two day and I had a great crew which is all that ever matters.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Love is a full length mirror.

I have recently be introduced to a band called Flight of the Conchords and they amuse me so. I advise all of you to youtube them, and giggle along to the sweet beats of Business Time.

Click here. Be amused.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

I like Pilots... well, at least mine

As we know from the days of Fictitious, pilots and flight crews will be the first to tell you not to date a pilot. This is sound advice because pilots, like hookers, frat boys, and sugar daddies, more often than not, have more than one honey in all the land. But what I like about them is that they understand the lifestyle; and if you get a good one they trust you too. Being the private person that I am, I won't go into detail but I will say he's way hotter than I ever imagined Fictitious to be.

Nothing screams professionalism like holding hands, in uniform, in the terminal. At a hub.

Any questions, comments, or concerns, you can call me.

Friday, November 2, 2007

Deadhead like Whoa

To most people, a "deadhead" is someone who enjoys the musical stylings of the Grateful Dead. To those of us in the industry (yes, like its some sort of cult), to deadhead is when scheduling decides to relocate you. The past two trips I've been deadheaded in and out of IAH, only to spend a night in LA. Earlier this week, I got to ride in our new 757's with individual entertainment systems in the cheap seats; I got to watch Licence to Wed which is surprisingly good and not horribly chick flickish (Jesse, I know you are like, totally way jealous and yes, I did smell like 75 when I was done). Yesterday, I hopped a ride in the 777 and got to watch Harry Potter 5!!! Very exciting. Now I'm sitting in supposedly sunny LA waiting for the sun to come out so I can go sit at the pool and maintain my tan from Cancun. Stupid marine layer. Moreover, stupid friends with big kid jobs who can't come and keep me amused til tonights red eye back to the dirty Jersey. I mean, c'mon... who works more than 20 days a month? ;)

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Oh That Scheduling...

Guess who has airport alert tomorrow at 2:30???

Oh how the fun never ends.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Yes, This Really Happened

IAH to LAX, I walked through the cabin six times with my little blue trash bag, and filled them all up. I sat down on my little jump seat to enjoy On The Road.

Ding. Flight attendant call button, 3/4ths the way up the cabin (I was in the back).

Customer, hands me his dirty cup with his nasty napkin in it: Can you take this for me?

Me, complete with dirty look: Sure.

Clearly, I'm not new anymore and am becoming slightly jaded.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

What a Good Day!

Today, I drove in Manhattan. Afterwards, I truly felt like I could accomplish anything. It was such a rush, competing with cabbies for lanes, desperately trying to avoid knocking down pedestrians... completely exhilarating.

I also baked oatmeal cookies, complete with frosting, and they were a huge hit amongst the gents who had been laboring all day in the rain. I suppose my secret is out - I'm domestic. But I think I'd rather be a cab driver than baker...

To top it all off, I get to go to Los Angeles tomorrow... even if it is only for nine hours.

What a good day!

Thursday, October 25, 2007

The Universal Appeal of Wawa

In the great states of NJ, PA, DE, MD and VA is a store called Wawa. Those of you who are from the mid-Atlantic states know exactly what I'm talking about; my west side friends are sick of hearing about it and maybe have been there once and only with me. Wawa is a glorified 7-11/gas station mart/mom and pop deli that actually makes your wildest dreams come true. There's a wall of coolers with everything from soda/juice/water to ice cream (Ben&Jerry's!), that matches their island of treats with fresh fruits, salads, pre-made hoagies... shelves of various snack items and miscellaneous toiletries (if you're in a bad neighborhood, those are locked in the glass case or behind the counter). Finally, the one thing that distinguishes Wawa from its competitors, such as the Quick Check, is its deli counter. There are touch screen monitors that make life so much easier so when you want a salami sandwich with lettuce and onions you don't have to announce it to the entire store; deny cheese - its okay to be lactose intolerant; afraid of condiments such as mayo and mustard? no one has to know. There selection includes your usual lunch meats and hoagies, chicken both breaded and grilled, these meal bowls, soups, and my personal favorite chicken salad. Wawa is also known for its coffee; Jersey residents I know will steer clear of both Dunkin Donuts and Starbucks in favor of the Wawa. I know my limited description here makes me sound like I work for them, when we all know I don't. Yesterday, I had lunch at Wawa with an out-of-towner who fervently believed that Wawa chocolate milk cures cancer... I think that's still up for debate with the FDA. Besides, everyone I know would say its the ice tea. My point is that Wawa needs to be everywhere. I saw those 7-11's in Copenhagen and those crazy Danes have it all wrong. Wawa is where its at.

Monday, October 22, 2007

She's Real Fine, My 409

For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to go to Cancun. I told everyone - random hottie on the plane, my roommate who's been there 4 times, etc. So when the open window first opened, I figured I wasn't going to get anything so why bother. Two hours after it first opened I logged in just to see what was up and there were two 2-day trips: the first one I clicked on had a 17 hr Cancun layover and it was MINE! One leg there, on aircraft #409, which was a pleasure to work with a great crew. The hotel we stay at is absolutely amazing and is probably one of the nicest hotels I've stayed at in my life (rumor has it that the only other nicer hotel is in Tel Aviv - I'll keep you posted on that).

We got there around 1:30, and by 1:35 we were sunning ourselves on the beach drinking margaritas. Who else do you know gets paid to drink margaritas on the beach? After I had had two, I found a gaggle of guys playing volleyball and decided to go join them. When I was in college I played intramural and my nickname was Daria, as in the MTV cartoon, which should give you a clue as to my skill level. During the game, I'm kind of afraid of the ball and not very good. It didn't really help that my crew was standing on the side lines cheering me on in front of a bunch of strangers that I was trying to impress with my serving skills (it was like sixth grade basketball all over again, but that's a different story for another time). I did manage to score six points; no one was keeping score. It started to drizzle and rain, but we kept playing. It was so much fun and totally worth the two hour sit in IAH and the three hour sit in TPA, complete with a rain delay and ground stop.

Cancun is amazing and someplace that everyone should go to at least once.
If not for a whole line! Oh that magical land of holding a line!

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Reality Check

Now that I've been home "sick" for the past three days, I have been granted the opportunity to watch an absurd amount of television. We're talking enough tv to satisfy SMH and Maureen, if you could even believe it. From this endless marathon, I have decided a few things:

1) my day absolutely is not complete without watching at least one episode of Scrubs. If I'm a flight attendant long enough, Zach Braff WILL be on one of my flights. We all know he knows where EWR is - maybe we'll go to Tel Aviv!

2) my sister needs to marry Ryan Sheckler. He's absolutely adorable; I can't possibly be the one that marries him because that would make me look above all things, old. And like a gold digger, but I'm not nearly as opposed to that one.

3) flight attendants would make for some great tv. For those of you in the industry, you know what I'm talking about. All night flights overseas, debriefing, napping, and partying til its time to get back on the plane the next morning... Going out with the crew in three different cities and making table reservations and calls for cabs using the CEO's name... Drinking in the local bar til the wee hours of the morning and not answering when scheduling calls, or chancing it and excusing yourself to see what it is that scheduling wants... following the floozies (male and female) and meeting their NYC/LAX/DFW/ORD/DEN/MIA boyfriends... Watching the pilot's wife and kids interact with his flight attendant mistress at 35,000 ft... I just think all of these elements make for some good reality tv. And as much as we inflight crews would love it, we would never do it because we'd be fired in a heartbeat.

I think someone's just going to have to write a book.

P.S. My illness is ear block, caused by a sinus infection... that's also my new nickname around the house.

Saturday, October 6, 2007

The Netti Pot

Flight attendants are interesting people; after all, it's a different type of job, thus attracting all walks of life for this adventurous career. Last week, I flew with a guy from SAN and he was holding this mini watering can on his way into the lav. I was intrigued. What was he going to water in the airplane bathroom? So I asked. As it would turn out, this particular contraption was a Netti pot; apparently, as seen on Oprah (or here). It's what my mother likes to refer to as the nose enema. You empty a little packet of powder into said watering can, add lukewarm water, dump contents in one nostril while tilting your head so it will drain out the other. It's important to use your mouth to breathe. So I went to my local drug store and invested in one (I also got a free flu shot, which is rather sketchy now that I think about it...). Anyway, so I tried it and for the first time since "fall" hit, I actually feel like I can breathe and my supposed allergies have been relieved. I've never had allergies in my life, put on a plane every day and BAM... Allegra was my new best friend. Oh Allegra and Claritin, you have been replaced by my mini-watering can Netti Pot. He can satisfy my needs in ways that you never could. It's definitely an experience pouring water into your nose. It burns and feels uncomfortable but the results are totally worth it and I would highly recommend it for people who are constantly stuffed up, have allergies, or are flight attendants. Okay, pilots too.

Go Netti pot!

Sunday, September 30, 2007

How Festive...

For those of you who are devoted readers of my blog, you are aware of the parade issue here in Bayonne. Frequently, like once a month, there is some sort of parade here in town along the main drag. Today was the last day I expected there to be a parade and right now the BHS band is marching down the street. How nice. My only question is this: where is the shuttle going to pick me up? Clearly a van full of flight attendants does not follow the float shaped like the island of Puerto Rico.

I wish you were here to share in the nonsensical magic that is this crazy town.

It's special.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Calling Your BUF

I cannot believe that I have a Buffalo turn tomorrow.

I best be rewarded via the Cosmos with Zach Braff on one of my flights. Or at least Jerry O'Connell.

Tomorrow to BUF would work well for me, Cosmos. *hint hint*

Tuesday, September 25, 2007


Tonight I was going to write a post about grown men and their gameboys or PSP's, which I found very intriguing when they wouldn't turn them off during final, like the unaccompanied minors. But I found this website:

The above is my life as an outsider looking in. Only I don't fly for NorthWorst ;)

Monday, September 24, 2007

Toronto turn... Whah whah

Clearly I received nothing from my airport alert, and did not pick anything up from open time because I refuse to pick up a turn. I sat all day today, literally; and was assigned a YYZ turn tomorrow evening. And here is why turns frustrate me:

First of all, I have a pay guarantee. I'm going to get paid a set amount of hours regardless; its the per diem I'm after, which we do not collect on turns.

Second, it takes a long time to look all pretty like a flight attendant. At bare minimum, like putting my makeup on in the crew room minimum, I can do it in 35 minutes. I prefer to take at least an hour, two if I can make lunch to take with. Since I'm not actually going anywhere tomorrow, I have to unpack my suitcase so I can use it to roll my tote and not feel like I'm packed for a six week European vacation.

Third, I have no control over the shuttle. It leaves the Bay every hour and picks up at the airport on the half. So for my 1620 check in time tomorrow, I have to take the 1500 shuttle. Moreover, the last one leaves at 0030, so if you miss it you have to call for a cab and Lord only knows how long that will take, or who you're going to get. At least I know the shuttle drivers.

Finally, turns frustrate me because I don't actually get to go anywhere. Please, send me someplace. Let me sleep in a hotel and not feel forced to make my bed, turn the thermostat down to 67 degrees, order room service, whatever. Alas, tomorrow evening I'll be right back where I started, wishing every moment I was with you :)

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Oh Scheduling

Guess who's sitting airport alert??? Oh yeah. I'll be here til 8:30, just in time to miss the shuttle back to the Bay. Rumor has it that there is an open spot going to Beijing, which would be amazing except for the fact that I don't have my Chinese visa. Moreover, I'm sure there are international reserves sitting around here somewhere. At least there's football on, and at the moment the Giants are getting their asses handed to them. I'm also surrounded by male flight attendants watching the game too... I didn't even know there where this many in my profession, let alone all in the crew room at the same time. Go Redskins? I'm not sure. Regardless, stay tuned, I'll keep you posted on the excitement that is airport alert.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

'Cuse drops Lousiville

As it would turn out, I did get called off airport alert. Scheduling interrupted my nap at 5:15 to tell me I needed to be at terminal A by 5:30 for a 2 day. Of course there was an airport alert that got there at 5:30 that wanted to go on the trip (maybe she was from ATL?) but I wasn't about to give up my hours. I'm barely going to break my guarantee as it is. Besides, scheduling isn't nice like that. Ever. That two day turned out to be kind of nice, and get this - we arrived early at every single one of our destinations! Early! Ended the trip a whole hour early too.

The next day (yesterday) I worked a charter flight; I took Syracuse football to their game in Louisville. I know nothing about 'Cuse football, had no idea which one was even the head coach (I was serving first class). But I will tell you this: if you have $150,000 you don't know what to do with, charter yourself a flight. These boys, who smelt from here to high heavens, ate like kings. They got two sandwiches, hot and cold, fresh fruit, cheese and crackers, ice cream, frozen fruit bars, two bottles of Gatorade and a water. I've worked business first going to Europe and these guys had more food. The best part about a charter is ferrying the aircraft. I got to sit in the cockpit for take off and landing, and it made me realize how much I want to go to flight school. All I need now is to either a) find a sugar daddy or b) enter the magical land of holding a line, fly my ass off and save up to at least afford my bills while in flight school. Someday.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

< ? >

I have airport alert at 4:30 tomorrow morning.

I hate scheduling.

Monday, September 17, 2007


As a flight attendant, I rarely get the opporunity to actually sit in one of our lovely Boeing seats and listen to the in flight radio. This past weekend I went to visit my best friend for a girls weekend out in LA, and we had a blast. I won't go into all the details of our girly shannanigans, but we were leaving Seven Grand and this guy walked by carrying a box of Dominos pizza. Anyone with drunk munchies would go for it... that is, anyone except me, from Jersey, and is totally way picky about pizza. I voiced this pizza opinion, and this guy went off on me. He was like "we're in downtown effing LA" and then I stopped listening. Anyone (with the exception of people from Chicago) would agree that Jersey/NYC pizza is hands down the best pizza. So then, on the in flight radio, I heard this song by my man Frank Sinatra, who of course is from Jersey!

It's very nice to go trav'lin'
To Paris, London, and Rome
It's oh, so nice to go trav'lin'
But it's so much nicer,
Yes, it's so much nicer to come home

It's very nice to just wander
The camel route to Iraq
It's oh, so nice to just wander
But it's so much nicer,
Yes it's oh, so nice to wander back

The mam'selles and frauleins,
And the senoritas are sweet
But they can't compete'
Cause they just don't have
What the models have on Madison Ave.

It's very nice to be footloose,
With just a toothbrush and comb
It's oh, so nice to be footloose
But your heart starts singin'
When you're homeward wingin' 'cross the foam
And you know your fate is
Where the Empire State is
All you contemplate is the view
From Miss Liberty's dome
It's very nice to go trav'lin',
But it's oh, so nice to come home

You will find the maedchen
And the gay muchachas are rare
But they can't compare with that sexy line
That parades each day at Sunset and Vine
It's quite the life to play gypsy,
And roam as Gypsies will roam
It's quite the life to play gypsy

But your heart starts singin'
When you're homeward wingin' 'cross the foam
And the Hudson River
Makes you start to quiver
Like the latest flivver
That's simply drippin' with chrome
It's very nice to go trav'ling
But it's oh, so nice to come home

No more Customs
Burn the passport
No more packin'
And unpackin'
Light the home fires
Get my slippers
Make a pizza

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

We Can Be Heroes

The weather was crappy here in the NYC metro area; the city scape was a mere shadow in the dreary clouds. On my way to 'the office' I could see the gate where the infamous United flight departed from Newark. I made it through four hours of airport alert unscathed, and saw two of the largest shadows I will most likely see for the rest of my life. On a clear night, the lights representing where the towers once stood would have lit the night's sky like a Fourth of July celebration. Tonight in the erie, foggy, low lying clouds, it appeared as if the building's shadows were truly erected into place. Today is a day I think about every day when I go to work, and seeing shadows signified memories of what once stood only 6 years ago. I think it is important to stop and look around to make sure that we are living in the best world that we can create for ourselves. There were many lessons that came today, and I believe the most important to be living a good life and enjoying each moment as they come and pass.

And I always give the soldiers free beer on my flights; there's no one else who deserves it more.

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Messing with the Man

Alright, so. Airport alert last night. Prior to receiving AA, I changed my reserve preference to request to fly because I figured that because I didn't get the trip I wanted then I'd be left alone day one and assigned something for the following day, day two. However, I got the AA instead (totally cosmic whammy). When I blocked out, I tried to pick up the 32 Aguadilla layover that was in open time. Of course it was in that non-reserve, line holder only open time and I was not eligible to pick it up. Bastards. I asked not to be turned; this morning when I checked I had been given an Orlando turn. Fan-flipping-tastic. I'm up in first class, so it really shouldn't be too horrible... I'm still praying a line holder will try to steal it from me. I want to put request minimum fly for the rest of the week, or at least for Wednesday before my days off but I'm beginning to think that's just asking for it.

On the total bright side, I'm going to LA for the weekend.

Friday, September 7, 2007

Take a Risk, Take a Chance

We all know my drill. At four pm the day before I'm scheduled to work I'm eligible to pick up a trip that is in golden open time. Today I was going for the three day IAH run: one leg to IAH, EWR turn, and one leg back home staying at the nice hotel downtown. No such luck. Then there was this five day in special line holder non-golden open time, so I decided to call and see if scheduling could give me the trip. No dice. I was informed, however, that in order for the rest of the good trips to drop into reserve open time that all the days trips must be picked up first. Meaning if 5 people didn't pick up the random Florida turns, the rest of us weren't getting nothing. I figured I was in the clear because I was request no preference and in the middle of the list. Wrong again. So now I will be sitting airport alert from four to eight on my big Saturday night that I should have been in TPA or LAX or SEA. Somewhere. Anywhere but the crew room.

Its not like I can really complain; after all, I did just win $180 in Vegas.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

You Know You're a Flight Attendant When...

1. You can eat a 4 course meal standing at the kitchen counter
2. You search for a button to flush the toilet
3. You look for the "crew line" at the grocery store
4. You can pack for a 2 week trip to Europe in 1 roller board
5. All of your pens have different hotel names on them
6. You NEVER unpack
7. You can recognize pilots by the backs of their heads-but not by their faces
8. You can tell from 70 yards away if a piece of luggage will fit in the overhead bin
9. You care about the local news in a city three states away
10. You can tie a neck scarf 36 ways
11. You know at least 25 uses for air sickness bags-none of which pertain to vomit
12. You understand and actually use the 24-hour clock
13. You own 2 sets of uniforms: fat and thin
14. You don't think in "months"-you think in "bid packs"
15. You always point with two fingers
16. You get a little too excited by certain types of ice
17. You stand at the front door and politely say "Buh-bye, thanks, have a nice day" when someone leaves your home
18. You can make a sentence using all of the following phrases: "At this time," "For your safety," "Feel free," and "As a reminder"
19. You know what's on the cover of the current issues of In Touch, Star, and People magazines
20. You stop and inspect every fire extinguisher you pass, just to makesure the "gauge is in the green"
21. Your thighs are covered in bruises from armrests and elbows
22. You wake up and have to look at the hotel stationery to figure out where you are
23. You refer to cities by their airport codes
24. You actually understand every item on this list
25. Everytime the door bell rings you look up at the ceiling
26. You serve your guest alcohol mini's
27. You change into your "galley shoes" to cook dinner at home
28. You open your bathroom doors at home slowly incase someone forgot to lock it
29. You only know 250 or 350 degrees on your home oven
30. When you ask your spouse when they will be coming home from work you ask for their "ETA"
31. You can spot out an airplane from the ground above and tell the other person what airline it is!
32. You go through each room at your friends place looking for magazines to read!
33. You bring home different grocery bags full of goodies that you can't get in your home town! and tell a story about it!
34. You know better NOT to date a pilot!

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Viva Las Vegas!

Working a Vegas flight is exactly what you think it is. It tests your patients and skills as a flight attendant. Passengers are needy, they want to get hammered before they get there, and there is a general feel of rowdy-ness. I decided when I was assigned my Vegas two day (one leg there, 20 hours, one leg back) that I was going to be excited and embrace the horrors that is working said flight. To the point where I was singing "Viva Las Vegas" on the van ride over, in the terminal, on the plane, etc.

The flight there was by far one of the best domestic flights I have ever worked. Why? Because it was full of foreigners that had manners. Cheese Pizza? Oh, yes please! Can I get you something to drink? May I please I have a water with gas? No one was trying to get tanked, no one dinging the bell, nothing. It was the most well behaved flight ever, more so than the nice businessmen going back and forth to Boston. Everyone sat nicely in their seats for four and a half hours and wasn't like work at all.

Then there was the part about me winning $180.!

On the way home, we weren't even full! Mostly everyone was well behaved, aside from the one lady who had no control over her two year old. There was this pack of boys who I'm sure caused a scene on the way over, but were nice and hung over on the way back and just wanted extra beef and Swiss sandwiches. I'm sure they were thinking what happens in Sin City stays in Sin City. Very quiet and uneventful, which is oddly relaxing and unusual at work. Most definitely no complaints here.

Now I'm just hanging out, waiting to see if they forget to add my name to the list so I can go home to the South Jersey. Going down the shore tomorrow, and running errands Friday. And then its back to the plantation, as my roommate would say.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Two My Grandmother

Dear Crew Scheduling,

Thank you for sending me to Las Vegas. I put $1 in the Monopoly penny slot machine, and won $180. Oh yeah.


Sunday, September 2, 2007

I Really Can't Complain

After my rant about missing the open window, I logged on at 5 to see what was left and I was pleasantly greeted by all the trips that had were opened up after personal drop awards. I picked up aft galley on the easiest three day ever. Day one was slightly stressful because it was three legs and we had all sorts of delays. Our plane was late coming in, the air conditioning broke, we couldn't land due to weather and then we couldn't take off because the weather had moved to the destination (SAT to IAH, figures). Day two was a lovely dead head, and one two hour leg. Today consists of one leg back home. Now I just have to cross my fingers that scheduling doesn't completely mess with me tomorrow. I'm kind of excited for this month because my call out line starts at three pm, just in time to be quick called for those international trips!

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Why Yes, I'd Love Cheese with my Whine!

So here is my story with an ending about how I'm stupid.

On Tuesday, after I got in at 4 am, they didn't call me so my roommate and I went to the mall. Retail therapy was fantastic and we had a blast spending four and a half hours shopping at the outlet mall with designer clothes for cheap. That night I got twelve hours of sleep, which was also fantastic.

On Wednesday, I called my grandmother who lives on Long Island to see what she was doing, which is always cooking, and to see if there was enough for three. Meaning I had pot roast, mashed potatoes and gravy with Italian cookies for dessert that was ridiculously delicious, and made it home to my bed in South Jersey by eleven later that evening. There was a moment of stress there when scheduling called to release me for that day, tomorrow (which is today) and they were moving my assigned break from Friday to Thursday, meaning I go on call Friday and thereby eligible to pick up a trip for today (Thursday) for tomorrow (Friday). She sells sea shells by the sea shore, for sure.

So. Now. Today, I was online at 3:50, waiting for the window to open at 4 and I thought to myself I have a few minutes to see where everyone is transferring to, and then I'll navigate back to the open window page. Well. Because there were so many trips in open time, the page wouldn't load fast enough and I got timed out. More like I'm a moron for navigating away in the first place. So now there are a ton of double BOS turns and 8 leg one day trips worth four hours in open time and my four day with 34 hours in ELP and 18 more in SNA for a Sunday BBQ with SMH is completely out of the question. (I was waiting to see if I got the trip before I called you - I didn't, but I'll call you later... you probably have way more exciting plans than sitting around the OC for Labor Day anyways, like the rest of you reading this... Don't worry about me, I'm sure there will be some sort of parade in Bayonne... whah whah). The moral of this story is once you have logged on to the page, stay there!

On a lighter note, my 18 year old sister is laughing at Hannah Montana and this classic joke:
"Why was six afraid of seven?"
"Because seven eight nine!"

She had never heard it before. She's also been watching Disney Channel all day.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Last Flight of the Day

So, we left from Salt Lake on time, but there were thunderstorms in IAH. We almost had to divert to AUS for more fuel; I wanted to divert to have the lavs dumped because they didn't do it before the plane left from SLC. Not dumping the lavs is disgusting because it stinks like a porta potty, and in the galley which is where I sit and where your food comes from. Anyway, we arrived about twenty minutes late to find our next flight was delayed; we were supposed to leave at 8:50 pm, but left at 11 instead; we arrived at 3 in the morning. I think the hardest part of days like yesterday, well technically this morning, is that it wasn't a trip I chose to work and I'm still good for today, tomorrow, and Thursday. Argh. At least I broke my pay guarantee, and I have off on Friday to pick up my own trip for Saturday! Who knows what will be in open time... long BOS? LAX? SNA? SAN? SFO? YVR? Lord only knows.

Monday, August 27, 2007

The Wonders that is Airplane Food

Right now I'm sitting in Salt Lake City, which is on mountain time in case any of you were unaware. Like myself, when I was convinced we landed an hour early last night. The flight was uneventful, aside from this gentleman who came back to my galley about two hours into the flight, asking for whatever meal had been served. We had pizza and salad, I also gave him a water. He came back moments later looking for a knife to cut the pizza. He was lucky that catering didn't forget to give him a fork, let alone a plastic knife; he was less than pleased. He came back about fifteen minutes later with his rubbish (the other flight attendant was Australian!) and declared that the pizza was not edible. At 35,000 feet, what do you expect? It's airplane food; bring your own if you know you don't like it. Airplane food is one of those things that you either love and think it is a sophisticated delicacy (hello, gained ten pounds since March) or regardless of flight time you bring your own sandwich and bag of Doritos from home. And if you know you're going to be thirsty, invest in your own bottle of water. Maybe you can't bring yours from home, but Starbucks sells them and I won't take it away from you on the aircraft. I promise.

Right now there is a text message marathon going on amongst flight attendants warning our fellow attendants that in flight (aka the boss men/women) are conducting bag checks. This means you can get fired if they find the contents of the liquor drawer in your tote. I'm sure they'll write you up if you have a coke or a carton of milk in your bag too. I think its rather asinine that we have to be subjected to this. It means that there are flight attendants out there who do steal things from the cart, attendants that keep the $10 in headset money and there is no honor left for an honor system. Now, I understand having to switch to a vending machine for dollar beers as opposed to an open cooler with what crews deemed a donations box (and I will NOT reveal which hotel this can be found at). I'm just slightly disappointed in my fellow attendants for their lack of moral code and professionalism. This is why we have to check in before our flights rather than just show up at the aircraft when we're supposed to, like pilots. Clearly we cannot be trusted, like first graders when the teacher leaves the classroom. As long as I do my job and I do what I'm supposed to be doing, I have nothing to worry about.

ps - hi brie :) (that totally just made your day, I know it!)

Saturday, August 25, 2007

It Sunny Some Place Else...

Yeah, so that 4:30 am airport alert turned into a St. Maarten turn with a two hour delay. I was legal by, oh, 20 minutes. I love 14 hour duty days.


More to come, when I'm not deleriously tired.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Used and Abused

I have airport alert at 4:30 am tomorrow morning.
Thank you, crew scheduling.

On the plus side, if I don't get called, then it's sort of like having a day off. But only sort of.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Limp Hair, Cold, and Hungry

This past week has been a whirlwind of activity that has led to a severe decrease in quality sleep time. A new car, a red eye, recurrent training, zip sliding with my dad in the Poconos, and a three day with 5 am wake up call every day... missing sleep is inevitable. However, it has caused me to leave my round styling brush at home, my pj's on the bathroom floor in Atlanta, and my white chocolate bread pudding on the air conditioning unit in New Orleans. In that order. Thus, I had bad hair from day two on, it was slightly breezy in New Orleans last night, and I'm missing something sweet to go with my coffee.

Moreover, because I came in early this morning they assigned me airport alert tonight at ten tonight. Fan-freaking-tastic. On the bright side, I'll be there with one of my classmates and I get to leave after all the flights take off, which if all goes well is midnight. I'm also hoping for a personal drop tomorrow so I can go home, have my break light fixed, and attend my high school five year reunion. Oh may the stars align! Oh to live in the magical land of holding a line!

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Watch the Tram Car Please

There are many people who work in the airport; my favorite are the electric cart drivers. IAH is one of the largest, most annoying airports in our system and home to some of the most exciting cart drivers. There is a gentleman who says in his low man voice "caaaaaaart" as he cruises the terminal; a cute little old lady who screams "'scuse the cart!". My all time favorite cart driver is in Newark and he has a clown car horn with a small Elmo doll that sits on the dash board. Apparently, cart-related injuries inside the terminal is the most dangerous aspect of flying. It never ceases to amaze me how oblivious people are to the world around them in the airport and on the plane.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Warning: Be Ware of Cheese

The freedom that comes with owning your own vehicle is astounding. As I was cruising down the turnpike, listening to Bon Jovi and marveling at the wonders that is the Garden State, it dawned on me that things just don't get better than this. Delicious moments, celebrating pure unadulterated freedom, and living a life that simply put, is all mine just puts a smile on my face and an unexplainable joy in my heart. My only hope for all of you is that you enjoy each day, for the present is one of the greatest gifts this world has to offer.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

What a Good Day!

Today, I bought my first car.

NJ TPK here I come!


Wednesday, August 8, 2007


I hate days like today. I could have been home since last night, but with no personal means of transportation (read: vehicle) I sentenced myself to another night at the crash pad. And I've been sitting here all day because I was only good for today, they could only call me after one (yay call out line!), and I was request no preference. I called to be released and they declined due to weather. For those of you in the northeast, I'm sure you experienced severe thunder and lightening at 5 am. That was my wake up call this morning (and it didn't even tell me where I was...). I'd love to sit here and bitch some more, but I know that someday, I will live in the magical land of holding a line, even if my line is low time four days that start on Thursdays. Anyway, my days off officially begin in one hour and I will be HOME, at my parents' house in the way South Jersey til Monday. I've been doing this job and living this new crazy lifestyle for almost five months and I'm still not fully adjusted. I'm okay with that though, because for the first time in longer than I care to admit, I'm happy.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

I found the following article at this address:

New York passes 'passenger bill of rights,' first of its kind in US Tuesday August 7, 2007

The New York legislature passed and Gov. Eliot Spitzer signed into law last week a "passenger bill of rights" outlining requirements for airlines during extended ground delays, making the state that is home to busy New York JFK and LaGuardia the first in the US to act on passenger complaints of poor customer service.

Largely in response to the much-publicized incident in which JetBlue Airways passengers were forced to stay on parked aircraft at JFK for up to 10 hr. during an ice storm (ATWOnline, Feb. 21), the new law claims to cover flights at New York airports and mandates fines of as much as $1,000 per passenger for carriers that fail to comply, although airlines question whether it is enforceable under federal law.

The law requires carriers to provide food, water, clean restrooms and fresh air to passengers stranded on aircraft for more than 3 hr. It also requires airlines to provide passengers with a phone number to register service complaints and establishes an "office of airline consumer advocate" within the New York state government.

"This law establishes much-needed consumer protections that will help guarantee greater passenger safety and comfort when severe delays impact their travels from New York airports," Spitzer said. New York State Sen. Charles Fuschillo, the bill's primary sponsor, added: "This first-in-the-nation law will ensure that stranded passengers are. . .not held hostage on delayed flights without basic amenities."

An ATA spokesperson said the organization is "disappointed" by the new law and believes it is "preempted" by federal statutes, adding, "We will review our options, including possible legal challenge."

The Coalition for an Airline Passengers' Bill of Rights, which is lobbying the US Congress to include passenger rights provisions in FAA reauthorization legislation, praised "New York's tough new airline passenger rights law" and called on Congress "to finish the job for all travelers nationwide." The group wants Congress to mandate that airlines allow passengers to leave aircraft after a ground delay of more than 3 hr., something the New York bill does not do and that carriers have opposed strenuously.

"Legislating something with fixed time limits is just unpractical in terms of day-to-day operations," Delta Air Lines COO James Whitehurst told reporters last week in Washington.
by Aaron Karp

Yes, passenger bill of rights. What did you think you were signing up for when you purchased your $50 discount airline (ahem... JetBlu... ahem) ticket? Because it sure wasn't for the award winning service or one who's known as the on time airline. Follow me for a minute - airplanes are like the new iPhone and the FAA/air traffic control basically has two cans and a string. For those of you non-engineers, this is not good and the focus needs to be taken away from airlines (USA Today, why do you hate us so???) and on to the real bad guys who do control the skies - the Federal Aviation Administration. If you passengers are so pissed off, then write your congressman and two senators a letter. They have the true power of the purse, so stop taking it out on me. And stop moving about the cabin while we are on an active taxi way. Thank you.

Control Freak

On my last four day, I was in the back galley and I hated it with a burning passion. I was so annoyed because I had a horrible lead who was unsure of herself and didn't know all the things that being lead entails. So this time I decided to pick up lead and now I'm not sure which is more important to me: being in charge of the aircraft or making my actual work environment happy (meaning putting together the cart the way I like it, etc.). I know I can't do both jobs, and I wouldn't want to. Part of it is accepting that there are different ways to do the same job and allowing people to do their job the way they would like to do it. Don't get my wrong, on this four day my aft galley attendant has been awesome and a pleasure to work with... I just want to do things my way! Oh well, just one leg home tonight. Besides, that's how flight attendants become banned to the load position. Does the phrase "does not work well with others" ring a bell???

Friday, August 3, 2007

Oh, Canada!

As you all know, I love to travel. Love love LOVE to be in new places, see new landscapes, try new foods and talk to the locals... which is why I'm excited to be going to Canada!!! I'm about to start a four day trip tomorrow, with layovers in Calgary, Miami (and I'm not even staying at the crack palace!), and Toronto. I'm so glad to have the opportunity to go now, in August, and enjoy the sights before winter comes. Because you know scheduling is going to send me there. During a blizzard.

Stay tuned for my Canada was amazing story, next week!

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Feeling Positively Wicked!

This has been a wonderful vacation. We drank, I mean, ate like kings; we went to the British Museum and the Victoria and Albert Museum. We also saw Cabaret and Wicked. London is a cool city, and I'm glad that I've had the opportunity to spend so much time here. Most definitely excited to see the rest of the great European cities, but I'm even more excited to go home! South Jersey in 8 days!

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

My Mother's Dream Vacation

Here's a list of all the places Janel and I have eaten at here in London:

Plateau at Canary Wharf (fish and chips, cheese plate, assorted appetizers, Bellini)
The Getti near Piccadilly Circus (bruschetta, chicken, Getti Blu drink, pasta with zucchini and eggplant, brownie and vanilla ice cream)
The Green Man at Great Portland (fish and chips, mushy peas!, Fosters, a pitcher of Pimms and lemonade, onion rings)
Japanese cream puffs on Oxford, past the M&S if you're walking away from the Circus (cream puffs: original and cookie)
Gordon's Chinese food in Chinatown a block away from Piccadilly (spring rolls, sweet and sour pork, chicken fried rice, Peking duck)
French crepe stand across from Westminster and Big Ben (lemon and sugar, nutella crepe)
gelato from some Italian place on Regent Street (straticella, cookies and cream)
and tequila sunrises at the hotel bar (and a chocolate and vanilla cheesecake for dessert)

I would like to point out that we have not eaten at any American eatery; no BK Lounge, Friday's, Hard Rock, Ben and Jerry's, Texas Embassy BBQ.
AND I have two more days here.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Why My Job is Cooler Than Yours

I have just arrived at JMC's in London. I had a big, business first seat and I payed about a tenth of the cost of a main cabin seat. I was severely spoiled by the veal dish which is fantastic, and a lovely ice cream sundae for dessert. No worries though; I'll be riding in the cheap seats on the way home.

Did I meantion that I don't go back to work until the 4th? For those of you trying to do the math, that would be 9 days off. In a row.

I sure am one happy camper :)

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Pink Eye and No One Cares

I woke up on day three of a pseudo five day with what I thought was pink eye. My van was at 6 pm, and I was up in a "oh my gosh I have pink eye" frenzy at 8 am. I called my mom, I called my doctor, I left messages with my supervisor.... long story short, I just pulled an eye lash out of my eye and the burning has ceased. Last week I learned that you always take a shower prior to leaving the hotel. This week, I learned that you should call the pharmacy prior to walking a million blocks in downtown Arlington, VA to make sure that they do indeed have your prescription a) in stock and b) ready to go.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Drunk Blogging...?

Most of you drunk dial. I know this; I have received them. I, however, have picked this lovely eve to 'drunk' post. I will admit that I've had a few beers and am in no state to drive (like I have a car). I do, however, have the munchies and the only thing I can think of is dollar Yuenglings and grease trucks. Oh how I miss Rutgers. Obviously, I sat in the airport for four hours and got nothing (except for tipsy in Bayonne). I lucked out; one of the girls who was sitting was assigned AA for the next day! Oh that 'screw' scheduling. So now I'm on page three of "the list" and will see what happens in the morning. I know, my life, it's so exciting.

Here's the song I'm listening to. I found it fitting:

I took the 405 and drilled a stake down into your center,
And stated that it's never ever been better than this.
I hung my favorite shirt on the floorboard,
wrinkled up from pulling pushing tasting.
You keep twisting the truth that keeps me thrown askew.
Misguided by the 405 'cause it lead me to an alcoholic summer.
I missed the exit to your parents' house hours ago.
Red wine and the cigarettes... hide your bad habits underneath the patio.

~Death Cab for Cutie

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

I'm Going to AA

No, I am not going to Alcoholics Anonymous (though I do know a few of you who should be, and of course I would go for moral support). Rather, I'm off to airport alert. That's the third time this month for those of you keeping track. I'd love to bring my laptop to pass the time, work on my recurrent flight attendant training; but, if they send me someplace very south (Mexico, Peru) security there will confiscate it. Hopefully they'll send me someplace cool and I'll have a fabulous story to share when I get back days from now. Only time will tell.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Coming Soon to a Super Wawa Near You... Not

For the first time in the six years since I have been driving, I pumped my own gas. It was gross, dirty, and smelly. And I almost spilt gas on my new red heels. But I did it! Like a grown up. I also have a new found respect for the gas pumpers here in the Garden State. Don't look for me at the new Super Wawa part time in the Twp; I'd rather pour the cokes, thank you.

Going to LA for the weekend gave me a taste of what life is like as a commuter, and its hard. As a reserve, with only ten days off a month, its hard enough to maintain a life in Jersey, let alone elsewhere. I guess it would be different if I held a line, especially in the international base. I just have to remind myself that someday I'll have a real schedule, I'll know where I'll be and where I'm going. Until then, you'll just have to keep up :)

Friday, July 13, 2007

Take It Easy!

In June, I clocked over 100 hours. It was awesome... on pay day. This month, I'm half way through and at 40 hours, and it's nice to take a break and relax. I saw Harry Potter, I went to the city twice to dine with my lovely cousin and roomie from Rutgers. Tomorrow, I'm heading to LA to see my good friend from the 7th grade to finish out the weekend. And, at the end of the month, I'm going to London for a week (two more weeks JMC!). I hop on a plane the way you people go to Wawa for milk. Exciting, I know.

I'm a little nervous about going to LA though. I'm renting a car, and the facts suggest that I have never pumped gas. But neither have those little people on TLC! NJ and OR are the only two states where it is illegal to pump your own gas. For those of you who will be with me this weekend, I'd love a crash course in Gas Pumping 101. Then I'll be writing a letter to the law makers in Trenton, thanking them.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Senior Mama!

So I was the load on the 7-5 for three days. Long time. Hotel in LA sucked. First crew was annoying. Had two male flight attendants try to give me their number... flew with a neub, which was annoying. I was annoyed because she had failed to do her homework ahead of time and did not know what her job was. Life on the aircraft is so much easier when people do their job. It also made me stop and acknowledge that I've been flying for almost four months! I am no pro, nor expert, but it showed me how much I've grown as a flight attendant. I almost felt senior.

On that 'ancient' note, the rumor mill about my airline opening a west coast base (LAX!) has been working double time. El Presidante has said it himself, #2 who was on my flight said it, they're telling people during the interview process, and with the new Dreamliners coming online... anything is possible. It would be a super senior base; here, I could enter the magical land of holding a line! Then again, would I leave Jersey? Maybe... but only if he was one hell of a kisser!

Saturday, July 7, 2007

EWR 2 LAX... SFO, LGW too

Usually I try to pick something up; yesterday, I decided to wait it out. I'm glad I did because I got a night in LA and one of my favorites, San Fran. I'll only be there for the short layovers, but I'll still be there, yards away from In-N-Out. That's what their hamburgers' all about. Who's excited??? I AM.

Did I mention I was going to LA for the weekend a week from now? Oh, I'm going. To London at the end of the month too. What can I say? I need a vacation. Or two. More to come about my exciting existence.

Friday, July 6, 2007

So Delicious, He's Fictitious!

Being a flight attendant is fun when:
a) you see people you know at work. It's not that you actually work with them, you just say hi in the crew room or as you cruise the cat walk, er, terminal. Makes the airport feel homely as opposed to lonely.
b) you get to hear other people's crazy love lives and issues with their husbands/girlfriends/boyfriends/partners/friends with benefits/etc.

Its so funny to me how these people just randomly open up:

"He's such a momma's boy! I can't believe he'd rather be with his parents in his twin bed at home. He's 35!"
"I can't believe what a slut she was! I was flying with the FO she was also banging. Whore."
"Oh, you're lucky. My husband sits at home, pretends to watch the kids and drinks lots of beer."

Its fun to fly with these crazy people and hear their stories. I suppose the only thing that makes me sad is when I tell them about my man. He's name is Fictitious; lives in the city, has a puppy, and loves to travel. The most amusing part has to be watching them think to themselves... "Fictitious, now that's a funny name"

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Happy Fourth! Love, Scheduling

This week, scheduling hates me. Airport alert, twice. And now I'm afraid to leave my apartment for fear of being called to go to work. Imagine that for all you non-flight attendants, only working when they call you to do so. I guess that means today I'll be hanging out in town; my cool flight attendant complex is going to have its annual roof top bbq. Exciting - although rumor has it we're expecting thunder showers later tonight and all day tomorrow. I have yet to hear the Bayonne HS band outside my window, so there may not be a parade today. I'm so disappointed. Nothing says patriotism like the town parade.

Tuesday, July 3, 2007


Guess who has airport alert again??? Tonight from 1900 to 2300. Convient for the shuttle, which is nice. There are two open pairings (flight attendant for trips) one London and a Tel Aviv. Last time I sat airport abuse, I went to Seattle where it was actually sunny. So we'll see. Maybe I'll end up someplace with fireworks! I'm sure Bayonne has some sort of parade going down tomorrow too... let's hope I'm somewhere without.

Monday, July 2, 2007


Dear Airport Bathroom Designer,

I believe, along with scores of travelers, that you have failed in your mission to design facilities for the air traveler. Tiny lavs on an aircraft is one thing; Boeing only makes the fuselage so big. Terminal space is another issue. I see that you have gone to the extremes for retail space and the food court. How about enough room to get my suitcase in the stall with me? As the TSA constantly reminds us all, we are not to leave our baggage unattended. Translation: travelers need to fit their crap with them in the stall and you, Airport Bathroom Designer, have failed to allocate enough room for us to do so. Moreover, your design fails to acknowledge the unfortunate issue that more than half of all Americans are obese. I'm not even overweight and I don't have enough room. Therefore, upon much consideration, I have failed your design in EWR, IAH, MSP, SEA, LGA, RDU, MCO, CLE, ORD, MIA... I'm sure there's more. And should I come across a design that doesn't completely suck, I'll let you know.

Better luck next time (hopefully),


Friday, June 29, 2007

Airport Alert?!!

I can't believe after everything that happened this week, between my bad hair cut and another car accident (no worries, no one was injured) I have airport alert tomorrow at 1400. Airport alert. I better be getting something good. Last time my roommate sat airport alert, they sent her to Delhi. I'm not saying I want to go to Delhi, I just would like to fly something other than the couch. I swear scheduling just passes them out to everyone at least once a month. I was on minimum fly too - and I already broke my guarantee. Oh well, more dollars for me to spend on my weekend in LA and week in London. That's right, I'm taking two vacations next month.

My airline is accepting applications online ;)

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Google Me!

For those of you who know my full name, Google it. Click images. Yes, that's me, and yes, it's sort of creepy. No, you won't find pictures of yours truly gone wild spring break '06 nor will you find anything remotely compromising. Boring? Perhaps. But what comes up when you Google yourself? My point exactly.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Hell? Four Letters = Four Days

I just finished up the four day trip from hell. Well, I mean, it wasn't that bad. But not that good either. The captain was okay, FO was sort of boring. Aft galley flight attendant was awesome; she was Japanese and this was her dream job. When people are living their dreams, they're a bit more pleasant to work with. Now, the first class flight attendant was an ice queen. I kept wondering if I did something to offend her, or if that was her general disposition; yet to be determined.

Our first day was a Tampa turn, and a Raleigh leg. Our load was okay, slightly cat lady-ish and kept talking about her sweetheart. I thought that was cute. On our way back from Tampa, I had one of the Brothers on my flight! For those of you unfamiliar with Catholicism, brothers are the male equivalent of nuns or sisters. At Rutgers, we had a sect called the Brotherhood of Hope that was a part of our campus ministry and some other school in Florida (University of? FL State? I have no idea). I had Brother Ted sitting in an aisle seat on his way to Rutgers to see all my cool Brother friends. I was honored to serve him.

Day two was to Minneapolis/St. Paul. I was in neither of those cities; we stay in Bloomington across from the Mall of America. Now, I like malls and enjoy shopping but this was too much. Too big to actually enjoy, or to find whatever store you're looking for. I also found the indoor water park creepy and dirty. It didn't smell like pool in the mall, but the thought of water rides inside makes my stomach crawl.

Day three to LAX. I was excited. Our load going out there was awesome. I love people who come to work to do their job the right way. It was an easy crowd since we left out of Houston, and flight time was only 2 hr 57 min. I also had my first celebrity! Only I didn't know who she was, so I'm not 100% sure it counts. Apparently, she's married to one of the members of Bone Thugs and Harmony (Bone Thugs 'N' Harmony? Am I too white for this?) and is in the process of recording and releasing an album due out later this summer. Her name is Felicia, and she gave the two flight attendants who knew who she was back stage passes to her concert Saturday night in Anaheim. This was the first time I saw the first class f/a crack a smile and laugh out loud on the plane. I'm not sure if it was the excitement of someone famous, or the load f/a that was her classmate. Pleasant change, that's for sure!

Our hotel has the new sleep number beds, and I would not recommend it. I think Sheratons/Westins and Marriotts have nicer beds (Marriotts are my favorite thus far). I did, however, think it was creative advertising. I hope the memory foam people hop on this particular band wagon because I would like to try their product, risk free, and get paid to do so.

The return flight was not good. Our load brought her personal baggage with her, and was acting like she'd never done transcon service before. I think if you're going to come to work, then be ready and know what you're responsible for. I've been flying for three months, and I do my homework before hand, so when I show up on the plane I'm ready. I ask questions when I'm not sure and I get the job done the right way. At times, its hard when you are new because I don't want to tell people who've been flying longer than I've been alive what to do; moreover, they should know. Definitely one of my flight attendant pet peeves. That, and when people hand me their random trash when I'm not holding a bag to put it in. Or when they hand me diapers when I do have a trash bag. Do you throw away your baby's diapers in your kitchen at home? Didn't think so.

Yesterday was an interesting day in aviation because there were two bomb scares: both LAX and EWR (of course where I came from and was going to). Sort of scary, simply because you just don't know. Personally, I think to go the aviation route again is just plain unimaginative. But now its just nice to be home, and to be off (hopefully) for the rest of the week. Gonna go down the shore, to Philly for lunch with Hil, see my friends and sleep in my own (not sleep number) bed!

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

I'm Still Standing

There simply must be something amazing about this job for me not to have quit after this horrific four day. I think a lot of how a trip goes, and the mind set for it originates as an inflight crew member, occurs while getting ready. For this particular trip, I was quick called (which is when scheduling gives you two hours to get to the airport). My check-in was at 2:20; I found out about the trip at 12:15, giving me 45 minutes to shower, do my sexy flight attendant hair and makeup, while packing for four days. I prefer to allot myself an hour and a half for this process - needless to say I was less than pleased to be rushed. Luckily I had just finished breakfast and my morning joe (as in coffee, not you... whatever you're thinking, stop that JoeCo). I didn't bother to do my makeup, I knew I'd be in the terminal with an hour to spare. Normally, when I'm getting ready to fly I like to drink a lot of water before I even set foot on the plane. Since I didn't have a chance to, I got a bottle at the airport and paid enough to feed starving children in the third world for a week.

The first day of the trip was to Boston, back, and to Boston again for the downtown layover. In the magical land of holding a line, line holders can drop a turn if it is the first or last part of the trip. So the person who's trip it was dropped the first to Boston and back part, and we got the luck of the Irish. I was supposed to work first class, but as soon as we got on this Irish maiden announced that she was serving in first. Being the junior, reserve, non-line holder attendant, I kept my mouth shut and went with it. Regardless of our working position, we were still going to have to share the jumpseat. For those who are unfamiliar with northeast traffic as well as geothermal processes, Boston turns are not fun. Not only had hot air been rising all day creating turbulence and thunderstorms, the air traffic is comparable to the morning commute in Houston, LA, NYC metro, etc. It's just bad. We lucked out with only a 20 minute delay, waiting in line to take off. The Irish Mob Boss and I chowed down on some honey roasted peanuts and discussed growing up and children these days. The turbulence wasn't anything I hadn't already experienced, but it was hot on the aircraft. Due to the short duration of the flight, we opted to do a juice and water serve as opposed to pulling out the bar cart. This meant I was in the back pouring drinks the whole time. I called the pit to have them turn on the air but I was not feeling well at all. Once we began our initial decent, the pit called to tell us it was going to be bumpy and to be seated. I had left extra trash bags on the other jumpseat, and boy was I glad I did. As we were coming in for final, I could feel it coming. I pulled my hair into a ponytail, grabbed a bag, turned to the Irish senior mama, said "this is so embarrassing" and proceeded to hurl til we touched down. Once we were on the ground, I went to into the bathroom and stayed there until the passengers were off. I was so thankful that we had a two hour ground stop in Boston. I got to step outside of the jetway for a few minutes to catch some fresh air, which was hot and humid, and took an hour nap. I was miserable.

On our return leg, after we finished the service, Irish McBossy announced that if we didn't open the door by 8:30 she was going to be illegal for her trip tomorrow. This began a conversation about FARs (federal aviation regulations) and our contract. She was annoyed by the fact that I was not carrying my contract (um... hello? I do believe that you have your own copy that you can carry with you at all times if it is of such importance). The lead didn't really care, and wouldn't find anything to really care about until day two of our trek across country. We landed at 8:19, and when we got to the gate, we were missing the jet way driver. Red Head called to the lead and asked him to crack the door open so she wouldn't go illegal. He said okay and did nothing (she didn't know that - I was highly amused when I found out later). Once inside the terminal building, we came to learn that our next flight back to Boston was indeed delayed. We were waiting on aircraft coming from Denver, that had an unscheduled fuel stop in Cleveland. That's bad. Once those passengers did disembark, I've never seen a more pissed off looking crowd. Our third leg was NOT a repeat of the first, and rather uneventful. And I got to be in first class.

Layover was uneventful. Went jogging in Boston Common, which is small but beautiful. Ate the most amazing cookie ever - it was a key lime sugar cookie from Au Bon Pain, and is totally my new favorite cookie in the world. Anyway, our van was scheduled to leave at 3:30 and we knew we were delayed 1 hr 50 minutes before we even left the hotel. I hate being at an out station and having to hide from angry passengers who can't comprehend the fact that just because the sun is shining in Boston doesn't mean that there aren't thunderstorms in Houston. At first, we didn't mind the delay because we were scheduled to have sit time before our next flight to Salt Lake City. After this, we thought that we would just board and get going on the next one. Boy were we wrong.

While en route, we found out that our new departure time was 1:35 am. As in the morning. Meaning almost a 5 hour delay. The captain said he would call ops and all these people to see what he could finagle. As it would turn out, he got reassigned to go to Phoenix; we sat in the airport until 1 am at the gate. Thankfully, the Salt Lake crowd was nice and understanding; perhaps they were all Mormon? Whatever, it was nice. So now we're sitting in the terminal, captain-less when the nosy gate agent comes over and wants to verify the information before he makes an announcement. So I go with him to the secret gate agent office, and one of the many scheduling/ops gods and I began to discuss our situation: would we be legal? yes. Do you have a captain for us? no. He had no idea that our captain had been reassigned. Had he not have been, there was an aircraft sitting at the gate next door we could have taken and left at 11. The lead was on the phone with scheduling and ops trying to get us a hotel room for the delay (we only get one if it is scheduled to be at least 5 hours, not weather related). Moreover, the captain who was assigned to us was on the Boston flight that left after ours. AND he refused the trip! I suppose he claimed fatigue; we started to get a little excited. Alas, there was a non-reving captain trying to get on our flight. Not because he lived in Salt Lake, he lived in Vegas and had been released from flight training due to lack of legal rest. He volunteered his services. We spit in his coffee. The passengers appreciated it. We had been up since 9 or 10 am EST. Once everyone was boarded, they called scheduling again just to verify that we weren't going to go illegal. Could you imagine? As a passenger, sitting in the terminal, listening to the crew discuss if they were going to be legal or not, determine they were, board, and then come to find out they were not? Mutiny. Worse than having snakes on a plane.

Begrudgingly, we left Houston at 1:30 and promptly arrived in Salt Lake at 4:15 local time. I was in my hotel room by 4:55, and asleep by 5. That's 7 am EST. Woke up, went to Denny's, walked around the city. It was interesting to see the lack of historical stuff; downtown reminded me a lot of LA in the sense that it was designed with the car in mind and not what I would consider pedestrian friendly. While I was on my way back, I was accosted by two homeless men. Not your normal sitting quiet with a sign or asking politely if you have spare change; it was more like 'hey, do you have money so I can eat? no? I just wanted a burger and fries' to the point where you almost don't want to be nice or helpful because you feel so harassed. I just made my way back to the hotel and sat out by the pool. And got major sunburn on my chest, arms and legs; I was only out for 90 minutes. Went back to my room, took a four hour nap, and headed to Wendys. While I was enjoying my #5 some drugged out homeless man came in and started cursing out everyone in the place, begging someone to go out and fight him. Rather disturbing, I mean it's not exactly how things go down in the Twp's Wendys. I had to wait a few minutes for him to leave, and then I left taking a different route back to the hotel. While I was at the street corner, waiting to cross, this weirdo comes riding his bike down the sidewalk telling me to watch out (nicely, not harshly). Then he strikes up a conversation about how mean the drug dealers are here, and how they rip you off. I just said that drug dealers are mean people, and I am not involved in that. Then the light changed, and the next thing I knew, he was riding his two wheeler into the lobby of the hotel I was staying out - since he was riding he made it in there before me. He was at the front desk, and I made a mad dash into the elevator and felt like I barely made it out of there alive.

By the time I got back to my room, I had two hours to get ready before buns on the van time. So I showered, started to go about my routine when it hit me. I then spent multiple intervals of time fighting N. Lichtenberg epic battles between trying to put make up on and get all my stuff back into my suitcase. It was not pretty. I had two Imodium in my bag, thanks to me mammy. She never leaves home without it and always has a box of it in her purse. I only had the two, and had to get more from the gift shop. And had to take it at the airport. Did I mention that our plane was delayed about an hour? So now I'm sitting in the terminal hopped up on Imodium, wanting to rip off my uniform because my skin is burning. Pure misery. The only good part was the fact that we were working a red eye, and all the little peoples went to sleep. Except for the guy who drank six minis worth of Jack. The thing that amazed me the most was after all that, I was standing at the back of plane before we landed home, looking down the aisle thinking "damn, I have the best job in the world and there's no where else I'd rather be." Then again, it may have been the dehydration, Imodium, or exhaustion speaking...