Sunday, September 30, 2007

How Festive...

For those of you who are devoted readers of my blog, you are aware of the parade issue here in Bayonne. Frequently, like once a month, there is some sort of parade here in town along the main drag. Today was the last day I expected there to be a parade and right now the BHS band is marching down the street. How nice. My only question is this: where is the shuttle going to pick me up? Clearly a van full of flight attendants does not follow the float shaped like the island of Puerto Rico.

I wish you were here to share in the nonsensical magic that is this crazy town.

It's special.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Calling Your BUF

I cannot believe that I have a Buffalo turn tomorrow.

I best be rewarded via the Cosmos with Zach Braff on one of my flights. Or at least Jerry O'Connell.

Tomorrow to BUF would work well for me, Cosmos. *hint hint*

Tuesday, September 25, 2007


Tonight I was going to write a post about grown men and their gameboys or PSP's, which I found very intriguing when they wouldn't turn them off during final, like the unaccompanied minors. But I found this website:

The above is my life as an outsider looking in. Only I don't fly for NorthWorst ;)

Monday, September 24, 2007

Toronto turn... Whah whah

Clearly I received nothing from my airport alert, and did not pick anything up from open time because I refuse to pick up a turn. I sat all day today, literally; and was assigned a YYZ turn tomorrow evening. And here is why turns frustrate me:

First of all, I have a pay guarantee. I'm going to get paid a set amount of hours regardless; its the per diem I'm after, which we do not collect on turns.

Second, it takes a long time to look all pretty like a flight attendant. At bare minimum, like putting my makeup on in the crew room minimum, I can do it in 35 minutes. I prefer to take at least an hour, two if I can make lunch to take with. Since I'm not actually going anywhere tomorrow, I have to unpack my suitcase so I can use it to roll my tote and not feel like I'm packed for a six week European vacation.

Third, I have no control over the shuttle. It leaves the Bay every hour and picks up at the airport on the half. So for my 1620 check in time tomorrow, I have to take the 1500 shuttle. Moreover, the last one leaves at 0030, so if you miss it you have to call for a cab and Lord only knows how long that will take, or who you're going to get. At least I know the shuttle drivers.

Finally, turns frustrate me because I don't actually get to go anywhere. Please, send me someplace. Let me sleep in a hotel and not feel forced to make my bed, turn the thermostat down to 67 degrees, order room service, whatever. Alas, tomorrow evening I'll be right back where I started, wishing every moment I was with you :)

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Oh Scheduling

Guess who's sitting airport alert??? Oh yeah. I'll be here til 8:30, just in time to miss the shuttle back to the Bay. Rumor has it that there is an open spot going to Beijing, which would be amazing except for the fact that I don't have my Chinese visa. Moreover, I'm sure there are international reserves sitting around here somewhere. At least there's football on, and at the moment the Giants are getting their asses handed to them. I'm also surrounded by male flight attendants watching the game too... I didn't even know there where this many in my profession, let alone all in the crew room at the same time. Go Redskins? I'm not sure. Regardless, stay tuned, I'll keep you posted on the excitement that is airport alert.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

'Cuse drops Lousiville

As it would turn out, I did get called off airport alert. Scheduling interrupted my nap at 5:15 to tell me I needed to be at terminal A by 5:30 for a 2 day. Of course there was an airport alert that got there at 5:30 that wanted to go on the trip (maybe she was from ATL?) but I wasn't about to give up my hours. I'm barely going to break my guarantee as it is. Besides, scheduling isn't nice like that. Ever. That two day turned out to be kind of nice, and get this - we arrived early at every single one of our destinations! Early! Ended the trip a whole hour early too.

The next day (yesterday) I worked a charter flight; I took Syracuse football to their game in Louisville. I know nothing about 'Cuse football, had no idea which one was even the head coach (I was serving first class). But I will tell you this: if you have $150,000 you don't know what to do with, charter yourself a flight. These boys, who smelt from here to high heavens, ate like kings. They got two sandwiches, hot and cold, fresh fruit, cheese and crackers, ice cream, frozen fruit bars, two bottles of Gatorade and a water. I've worked business first going to Europe and these guys had more food. The best part about a charter is ferrying the aircraft. I got to sit in the cockpit for take off and landing, and it made me realize how much I want to go to flight school. All I need now is to either a) find a sugar daddy or b) enter the magical land of holding a line, fly my ass off and save up to at least afford my bills while in flight school. Someday.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

< ? >

I have airport alert at 4:30 tomorrow morning.

I hate scheduling.

Monday, September 17, 2007


As a flight attendant, I rarely get the opporunity to actually sit in one of our lovely Boeing seats and listen to the in flight radio. This past weekend I went to visit my best friend for a girls weekend out in LA, and we had a blast. I won't go into all the details of our girly shannanigans, but we were leaving Seven Grand and this guy walked by carrying a box of Dominos pizza. Anyone with drunk munchies would go for it... that is, anyone except me, from Jersey, and is totally way picky about pizza. I voiced this pizza opinion, and this guy went off on me. He was like "we're in downtown effing LA" and then I stopped listening. Anyone (with the exception of people from Chicago) would agree that Jersey/NYC pizza is hands down the best pizza. So then, on the in flight radio, I heard this song by my man Frank Sinatra, who of course is from Jersey!

It's very nice to go trav'lin'
To Paris, London, and Rome
It's oh, so nice to go trav'lin'
But it's so much nicer,
Yes, it's so much nicer to come home

It's very nice to just wander
The camel route to Iraq
It's oh, so nice to just wander
But it's so much nicer,
Yes it's oh, so nice to wander back

The mam'selles and frauleins,
And the senoritas are sweet
But they can't compete'
Cause they just don't have
What the models have on Madison Ave.

It's very nice to be footloose,
With just a toothbrush and comb
It's oh, so nice to be footloose
But your heart starts singin'
When you're homeward wingin' 'cross the foam
And you know your fate is
Where the Empire State is
All you contemplate is the view
From Miss Liberty's dome
It's very nice to go trav'lin',
But it's oh, so nice to come home

You will find the maedchen
And the gay muchachas are rare
But they can't compare with that sexy line
That parades each day at Sunset and Vine
It's quite the life to play gypsy,
And roam as Gypsies will roam
It's quite the life to play gypsy

But your heart starts singin'
When you're homeward wingin' 'cross the foam
And the Hudson River
Makes you start to quiver
Like the latest flivver
That's simply drippin' with chrome
It's very nice to go trav'ling
But it's oh, so nice to come home

No more Customs
Burn the passport
No more packin'
And unpackin'
Light the home fires
Get my slippers
Make a pizza

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

We Can Be Heroes

The weather was crappy here in the NYC metro area; the city scape was a mere shadow in the dreary clouds. On my way to 'the office' I could see the gate where the infamous United flight departed from Newark. I made it through four hours of airport alert unscathed, and saw two of the largest shadows I will most likely see for the rest of my life. On a clear night, the lights representing where the towers once stood would have lit the night's sky like a Fourth of July celebration. Tonight in the erie, foggy, low lying clouds, it appeared as if the building's shadows were truly erected into place. Today is a day I think about every day when I go to work, and seeing shadows signified memories of what once stood only 6 years ago. I think it is important to stop and look around to make sure that we are living in the best world that we can create for ourselves. There were many lessons that came today, and I believe the most important to be living a good life and enjoying each moment as they come and pass.

And I always give the soldiers free beer on my flights; there's no one else who deserves it more.

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Messing with the Man

Alright, so. Airport alert last night. Prior to receiving AA, I changed my reserve preference to request to fly because I figured that because I didn't get the trip I wanted then I'd be left alone day one and assigned something for the following day, day two. However, I got the AA instead (totally cosmic whammy). When I blocked out, I tried to pick up the 32 Aguadilla layover that was in open time. Of course it was in that non-reserve, line holder only open time and I was not eligible to pick it up. Bastards. I asked not to be turned; this morning when I checked I had been given an Orlando turn. Fan-flipping-tastic. I'm up in first class, so it really shouldn't be too horrible... I'm still praying a line holder will try to steal it from me. I want to put request minimum fly for the rest of the week, or at least for Wednesday before my days off but I'm beginning to think that's just asking for it.

On the total bright side, I'm going to LA for the weekend.

Friday, September 7, 2007

Take a Risk, Take a Chance

We all know my drill. At four pm the day before I'm scheduled to work I'm eligible to pick up a trip that is in golden open time. Today I was going for the three day IAH run: one leg to IAH, EWR turn, and one leg back home staying at the nice hotel downtown. No such luck. Then there was this five day in special line holder non-golden open time, so I decided to call and see if scheduling could give me the trip. No dice. I was informed, however, that in order for the rest of the good trips to drop into reserve open time that all the days trips must be picked up first. Meaning if 5 people didn't pick up the random Florida turns, the rest of us weren't getting nothing. I figured I was in the clear because I was request no preference and in the middle of the list. Wrong again. So now I will be sitting airport alert from four to eight on my big Saturday night that I should have been in TPA or LAX or SEA. Somewhere. Anywhere but the crew room.

Its not like I can really complain; after all, I did just win $180 in Vegas.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

You Know You're a Flight Attendant When...

1. You can eat a 4 course meal standing at the kitchen counter
2. You search for a button to flush the toilet
3. You look for the "crew line" at the grocery store
4. You can pack for a 2 week trip to Europe in 1 roller board
5. All of your pens have different hotel names on them
6. You NEVER unpack
7. You can recognize pilots by the backs of their heads-but not by their faces
8. You can tell from 70 yards away if a piece of luggage will fit in the overhead bin
9. You care about the local news in a city three states away
10. You can tie a neck scarf 36 ways
11. You know at least 25 uses for air sickness bags-none of which pertain to vomit
12. You understand and actually use the 24-hour clock
13. You own 2 sets of uniforms: fat and thin
14. You don't think in "months"-you think in "bid packs"
15. You always point with two fingers
16. You get a little too excited by certain types of ice
17. You stand at the front door and politely say "Buh-bye, thanks, have a nice day" when someone leaves your home
18. You can make a sentence using all of the following phrases: "At this time," "For your safety," "Feel free," and "As a reminder"
19. You know what's on the cover of the current issues of In Touch, Star, and People magazines
20. You stop and inspect every fire extinguisher you pass, just to makesure the "gauge is in the green"
21. Your thighs are covered in bruises from armrests and elbows
22. You wake up and have to look at the hotel stationery to figure out where you are
23. You refer to cities by their airport codes
24. You actually understand every item on this list
25. Everytime the door bell rings you look up at the ceiling
26. You serve your guest alcohol mini's
27. You change into your "galley shoes" to cook dinner at home
28. You open your bathroom doors at home slowly incase someone forgot to lock it
29. You only know 250 or 350 degrees on your home oven
30. When you ask your spouse when they will be coming home from work you ask for their "ETA"
31. You can spot out an airplane from the ground above and tell the other person what airline it is!
32. You go through each room at your friends place looking for magazines to read!
33. You bring home different grocery bags full of goodies that you can't get in your home town! and tell a story about it!
34. You know better NOT to date a pilot!

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Viva Las Vegas!

Working a Vegas flight is exactly what you think it is. It tests your patients and skills as a flight attendant. Passengers are needy, they want to get hammered before they get there, and there is a general feel of rowdy-ness. I decided when I was assigned my Vegas two day (one leg there, 20 hours, one leg back) that I was going to be excited and embrace the horrors that is working said flight. To the point where I was singing "Viva Las Vegas" on the van ride over, in the terminal, on the plane, etc.

The flight there was by far one of the best domestic flights I have ever worked. Why? Because it was full of foreigners that had manners. Cheese Pizza? Oh, yes please! Can I get you something to drink? May I please I have a water with gas? No one was trying to get tanked, no one dinging the bell, nothing. It was the most well behaved flight ever, more so than the nice businessmen going back and forth to Boston. Everyone sat nicely in their seats for four and a half hours and wasn't like work at all.

Then there was the part about me winning $180.!

On the way home, we weren't even full! Mostly everyone was well behaved, aside from the one lady who had no control over her two year old. There was this pack of boys who I'm sure caused a scene on the way over, but were nice and hung over on the way back and just wanted extra beef and Swiss sandwiches. I'm sure they were thinking what happens in Sin City stays in Sin City. Very quiet and uneventful, which is oddly relaxing and unusual at work. Most definitely no complaints here.

Now I'm just hanging out, waiting to see if they forget to add my name to the list so I can go home to the South Jersey. Going down the shore tomorrow, and running errands Friday. And then its back to the plantation, as my roommate would say.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Two My Grandmother

Dear Crew Scheduling,

Thank you for sending me to Las Vegas. I put $1 in the Monopoly penny slot machine, and won $180. Oh yeah.


Sunday, September 2, 2007

I Really Can't Complain

After my rant about missing the open window, I logged on at 5 to see what was left and I was pleasantly greeted by all the trips that had were opened up after personal drop awards. I picked up aft galley on the easiest three day ever. Day one was slightly stressful because it was three legs and we had all sorts of delays. Our plane was late coming in, the air conditioning broke, we couldn't land due to weather and then we couldn't take off because the weather had moved to the destination (SAT to IAH, figures). Day two was a lovely dead head, and one two hour leg. Today consists of one leg back home. Now I just have to cross my fingers that scheduling doesn't completely mess with me tomorrow. I'm kind of excited for this month because my call out line starts at three pm, just in time to be quick called for those international trips!