Once again, the following is a post from one of my flight attendant friends. I just need the satisfaction of knowing that I am not alone in the land of fancy drinkers and unruly children. Please read with a light, pleasant southern accent; she's from TN.
It's official. All the wackos have come out of the woodwork and decided to fly on the planes I am working. I have never seen so many strange and needy people that are just plain weird. Here's a conversation I had to listen to yesterday while working the beverage cart at 6 a.m. :
ME: "Would you like anything to drink?"
LADY 1: "I'll have a water."
LADY 2: "She'll give you juice too if you want it. Do you want juice? Why don't you get some juice? She'll let you have juice. Ma'am, you'll give her juice too, right?"
ME: "Yes, ma'am. What type of juice would you like?"
Lady 2: "See? I told you she'd give you juice. Go ahead and take the juice. What kind of juice do you want?"
Lady 1: "Um, what kind of juice do you have?"
Me: "Apple, orange, and tomato."
Lady 2: "Get the orange juice. Or the tomato juice if you want. Apple is good too."
Lady 1: "I'll take the orange."
Me: "Ok, so you'll have water and orange juice?"
Lady 1: "yes."
Me: "And what will you have, ma'am?"
Lady 2: I'll have a coffee and water. Oh, and I'll take a tomato juice too."
Me: "A coffee, water, and tomato juice? And a water & orange juice?"
Lady 1 & 2: "Yes."
Me: "You know, we will be back through the aisles for a second service in a moment."
Lady 2: "Oh, GOOD!"
On top of that, I had a flight with 47, count them, FORTY FREAKIN SEVEN U.M.'s! For my non-airline friends, that means Unaccompanied Minors. They were 7th graders which means they were unbearably obnoxious...I had them yelling at me from 4 rows back 'DO YOU HAVE ANY PEANUTS? MISS!!! MISS!!! DO YOU HAVE ANY PEANUTS?' After several times, the bitch mother in me came out (or was it the Linda Blair in me) and I turned around, stuck my index finger up and snapped - 'I WILL GET TO YOU IN A MINUTE!'. I swear I went through that plane three times with freaking peanuts. It was bad. I had to tell them the beverage cart was locked up. We all hid in the galleys. And another thing, what part of 'turn off all portable electronics including cellphones, laptops, and three way pagers' do adults not understand???Are these passengers suppose to be my on board entertainment? Man, those soldiers I flew overseas were so much easier. They would take their ambiene and sleep for the 9 hour flight. There is never a dull moment on a a commercial flight.
This particular flight attendant worked for a military charter airline that transported our troops to and from Iraq and the Middle East. Apparently a better behaved crowd.